Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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