1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
