Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
