i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Michael Bay diarrhea
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
