u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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