He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
