I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
