if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
