you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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