Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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