Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
