I can text with my tongue
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize
