quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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