I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just googled if crying burns calories
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
