I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
