When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
