My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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