Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We're too hungover to prance.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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