I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
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