If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
