I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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