If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
