Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
this hospital has no fireball
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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