Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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