Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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