Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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