I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
