The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
