I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
