I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize