We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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