My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
