dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
