i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
