my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i came on her dog
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
