They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
