i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
