I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
