My sheets look like a crime scene.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
