my mouth tastes like poor choices
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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