I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
