my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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