in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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