The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
