'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
