i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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