I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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