your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Alive.
So much puke
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
