if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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