He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
