i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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