Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
