absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
