my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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