There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He felt like a one man threesome
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
