Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
