Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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