Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You are the jesus of drinking
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
