I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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