Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize