I'd wear matching sweaters with you
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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