I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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