All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
