This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
