she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
