I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
