Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
