craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize