Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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